Raid on Nassautown
by Runt Thunderbelch
Summary: How Captain Jack Sparrow plundered Nassau without firing a shot.   Complete.


Disclaimer:

I do not own "Pirates of the Caribbean."

Raid on Nassautown

By

Runt Thunderbelch

"You're in my sunlight."

"Oooh, sorry mate."

The Mayor of Nassau lifted the slice of cucumber off one of his eyes and peered up at the figure looming over him. The skinny man was obediently shuffling off to one side, allowing the tropical sun to once again fall full upon the mayor's face. "Do you know who I am?"

"Aye mate, you're the mayor, you are. Do you know who I am?"

"Don't know. Don't care." The mayor replaced the cucumber slice and settled back into his chaise longue.

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Pirate."

Again the mayor lifted the slice of cucumber. "What did you say?"

Jack handed him a sheet of parchment. "Here's the list of ransom demands."

"Ransom? A pirate, did you say?"

"Oh aye!"

The mayor mumbled as he read. "Ten thousand pieces of eight; a ship fully armed, fully rigged and fully provisioned; one hat; and a twenty-four-hour head start before commencing any pursuit." He looked the list over again. "Why the hat?"

"To keep the rain off me head. I figure maybe one of those tricorn jobbies, y'know, with the three pointy ends."

"And, and, and why do you think I would turn these items over to you?"

"It's a ransom payment, it is."

"Who are you ransoming?"

"Why yourself, of course. Seems only reasonable."

The mayor studied him for a long time. "The flaw in your plan is that I'm not your prisoner."

Jack shrugged. "A technicality, mate."

"Do you have shipmates nearby that I can't see? Ruffians ready to pounce on me?"

"Not precisely. I find myself temporarily without a crew."

"Or a ship?"

Jack pointed. "That's Item 2 on the list."

"Let me sum up," said the mayor. "You're a pirate captain who's demanding a ransom payment even though you have no crew, no hostage and no ship."

"For the moment, mate, for the moment."

The mayor looked over at the town clock. "It's time for my lunch," he announced, "and so I shall make this brief: No."

"Ah! You need time to think about it."

"Time to think?" He held up his finger and counted silently to three. "It's still, no."

"Tell you want, mate. Have the ransom payment at the docks tomorrow morning, and we can wrap this up then."

The mayor chuckled. "And if I don't?"

"Well, if it's not there, then come high noon tomorrow, I'll take you prisoner and we'll bargain the old fashion way, with a blade at your throat. I was trying to save us both a lot of trouble."

"Somehow, I am not disquieted." He tossed the two slices of cucumber onto a nearby table and started indoors for his lunch.

۞

"We've captured that Jack Sparrow fellow you told us about yesterday, your honor!"

The major lifted a cucumber slice off his eye and peered up at the grinning moron in a crimson jacket which boasted a set of corporal's stripes. "Have you?"

"Oh yes, your honor!"

"Why then, can't I see him?"

The corporal turned and pointed. "He's just there, sir."

Coming around the corner and heading up the walkway towards him came Jack Sparrow, his hands bound, surrounded by a squad of redcoats, their muskets at the ready.

The mayor chuckled. "Very good. Very good." He glanced up at the town clock. "Blast, it's almost time for my lunch. I hope he doesn't feel obliged to make a long-winded speech before we hang him."

"His tongue does tend to wag a bit."

The mayor sniffed. "I'm sure when it's black and hanging out of his mouth, it will wag a good deal less, eh what?"

"Right you are, your honor."

Jack halted before the mayor. His kohl-lined eyes were morose and failed to meet those of the mayor.

"Not quite a cocky as your were yesterday, eh Jack Sparrow?"

"Captain Jack Sparrow, mate. It's Captain Jack Sparrow."

"No ship, no crew, and yet it's Captain Jack Sparrow? That's a bit pretentious, don't you think?"

Jack shrugged. "I have a ship. I commandeered one this morning."

One of the soldiers nodded. "That's where we found him, your honor, in the process of stealing a ship."

Jack flashed him a look. "Commandeering, y'lout."

The mayor grinned. "And no hostage, for it would seem that you are my prisoner rather than the other way around."

Jack lifted the corner of his lip and nodded. "It would appear that way all right."

"Then why shouldn't I hang you straight away?"

"Looks can be deceiving, mate."

"How so? You aren't my prisoner?"

"Sorry, mate. You're my prisoner."

"But my men have the muskets."

"No. My men have the muskets." In unison, the squad of redcoats turned their weapons to point at the major. "By the way, I now have a crew. And the price of your ransom? It's just gone up."

"Impossible!" blustered the mayor.

"Of course, it's the impossible," agreed Jack. "That's because I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

The End


End file.
